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Hi, I’m a naughty nurse, and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? This is the worst part. The calm before the battle. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

I, Roommate

What’s with you kids? Every other day it’s food, food, food. Alright, I’ll get you some stupid food. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo! Now Fry, it’s been a few years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal? Large bet on myself in round one. When the lights go out, it’s nobody’s business what goes on between two consenting adults.

  • No, just a regular mistake.
  • This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.

Lesser of Two Evils

Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. So, how ’bout them Knicks? You’ve killed me! Oh, you’ve killed me! Meh. You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see! Too much work. Let’s burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.

When Aliens Attack

I’ll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

  1. Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I’m still single? It’s ’cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans!
  2. You, minion. Lift my arm. AFTER HIM!
  3. I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later.
  4. Meh.
Bend Her

Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence? Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Actually, that’s still true. Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Why did you bring us here?

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I am a Retired TV comedy writer who was nominated for an Emmy and never quite lived up to it. I have always loved and lived with dogs and cats, have never been without a shredded sofa and overturned wastebasket - My TV credits are at:

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