What Are The Westminster Dog Show’s Dirty Little Secrets?

At The Westminster Dog Show, Rick, Our Investigative Reporter, Digs up Dirt – And Falls in Love!


Undercover at the Screenshot 2016-04-17 06.15.01

– Exclusive Story by Award Winning Canine Correspondent:

Westminster dog showI had just returned from sniffing around the back alleys of Beirut when they asked me to go undercover at the Westminster Dog Show.

But, how was I going to pass? I mean, I’ve got more impurities in me than a Denny’s menu.

However, then they took me to a make up artist who had worked on Lassie and Cher way past their primes.

Westminster dog show

A couple of days later I arrived at New York’s Madison Square Garden, entered as a contestant in the Westminster Dog Show.

Lord almighty! Here I was surrounded by a bunch of over bred, over groomed, cutesy canines, all acting like their poop didn’t stink! I thought, “What the hell am I doing here!?” I was ready to bail, but, suddenly, I saw her!

Her name was Cataluna Petite Chien du Monmarte. But, everyone called her “Cat.” She was an Australian Shepherd and a former Best of Show.


She was on the grooming table next to mine and when she turned and looked at me with thoseWestminster dog show

beautiful brown eyes, everything else faded away and I thought, “Of all the dog shows in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”


Cat was a real dog show pro and her first piece of advice was, “If you just act natural and have fun you’ll be out on the street quicker than you can say, “stray.” 

She also let me in on some of the dirty little secrets of the Westminster Show. One of the nastiest is “Gating”. That’s when all the dogs are walking around the ring in a circle. The trick is to stop suddenly and the dog behind will run into you. It’s where tailgating originated and the only downside is that damn Lizard from Geico always showing up and handing out business cards.


westminster dog showAt the end, Cat didn’t repeat as Best in Show. Truth be told, she had to bully and intimidate everyone just to win Miss Congeniality. Backstage, she threw such a huge, profanity laced temper tantrum that she got a congratulatory phone call from Mel Gibson.





As for me, I think of Cat often and wonder what might have been. Ah well, here’s looking at you, kid! And…we will always have Westminster!

Westminster dog show

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I am a Retired TV comedy writer who was nominated for an Emmy and never quite lived up to it. I have always loved and lived with dogs and cats, have never been without a shredded sofa and overturned wastebasket - My TV credits are at: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0074867/

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