What Wickedness is Going on Behind These Awesome Pictures? We Sniff Out The Truth.
Rick, Our Investigative Reporter, Digs up Dirt – And Falls in Love!
Undercover at the
– Exclusive Story by Award Winning Canine Correspondent:
I had just returned from sniffing around the back alleys of Beirut when they asked me to go undercover at the Westminster Dog Show.
But, how was I going to pass? I mean, I’ve got more impurities in me than a Denny’s menu.
However, then they took me to a make up artist who had worked on Lassie and Cher way past their primes.
A couple of days later I arrived at New York’s Madison Square Garden, entered as a contestant in the Westminster Dog Show.
Lord almighty! Here I was surrounded by a bunch of over bred, over groomed, cutesy canines, all acting like their poop didn’t stink! I thought, “What the hell am I doing here!?” I was ready to bail, but, suddenly, I saw her!
Her name was Cataluna Petite Chien du Monmarte. But, everyone called her “Cat.” She was an Australian Shepherd and a former Best of Show.
MOLEST IN SHOW?
She was on the grooming table next to mine and when she turned and looked at me with those
beautiful brown eyes, everything else faded away and I thought, “Of all the dog shows in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”
SHOW DOGS AND THEIR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS
Cat was a real dog show pro and her first piece of advice was, “If you just act natural and have fun you’ll be out on the street quicker than you can say, “stray.”
She also let me in on some of the dirty little secrets of the Westminster Show. One of the nastiest is “Gating”. That’s when all the dogs are walking around the ring in a circle. The trick is to stop suddenly and the dog behind will run into you. It’s where tailgating originated and the only downside is that damn Lizard from Geico always showing up and handing out business cards.
At the end, Cat didn’t repeat as Best in Show. Truth be told, she had to bully and intimidate everyone just to win Miss Congeniality. Backstage, she threw such a huge, profanity laced temper tantrum that she got a congratulatory phone call from Mel Gibson.
As for me, I think of Cat often and wonder what might have been. Ah well, here’s looking at you, kid! And…we will always have Westminster!
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